Articles

Departure into the “Unknown"

Departure into the “Unknown": a personal reflection

Shakeh Major Tchilingirian

Balance. Zeitschrift des Fachverbandes Meditation des Tanzes – Sacred Dance e.V.  NR 2, 2022

 
Living through the ‘unknown’ is the realisation that one could lose so much because we do not have control over things or events in our lives. The unknown is the change we might not be ready for; it might be the unexpected; it could cause worry or anxiety. Yet, the unknown is part of the cycle of life, like the moon in the sacred dance circle. The constant is the moon, the sacred circle, it encircles the known and the unknown and turns it into a sacred force of harmony, attuning and connection.

Departure into the “Unknown": this notion best described my excitement and trepidations as I set off to lead my very first in-person workshop after a three year pause, in Germany in May 2022. I had a sense of the known, but also the unknown —to come and teach after such a long time.

A new beginning, as it were. I felt there was a change that took place not only in myself but also in those who attended the workshop. I commented that there was a sense of “loss of innocence” during the last two years. No doubt, it was an instinctive comment, which really reflected my personal realisation that, despite thinking otherwise, I had taken so much for granted.

 
I somehow always took it for granted that I would be dancing forever — truly or imaginary — and sharing the sacred circle experience. I realised what a breathe of air the experience had been for me all these years — my oxygen mask. Even as I danced and led dance workshops via Zoom throughout the various lockdowns, there is no substitute for the in-person experience.
 
I shall confess, I was equally excited and nervous, though never frightened. I was like an excited child being reunited with loved ones in the sanctuary of ‘experiencing a collectivehomecoming’. Not sure if I would burst into tears, giggles or even total amnesia. Even after over thirty years of teaching and leading dancing, I was not sure how I would lead it. Not knowing how I would lead it is not new for me. Although I have my repertoire prepared, I always lead a workshop by instinct and intuition. No two workshops are the same. It has to be meaningful and with depth and connection. That’s all, nothing less. The true magic and mystery for me is the fact that the participants are the ones who lead the experience. I merely facilitate and guide through. I love this creative freedom. It is a true mystery and gift to me.

 
What change took place in me and others who were in the circle in the last few years of the pandemic, the war in Ukraine, the 44-day war between Armenia and Azerbaijan, the proxy wars? Some of this has been extremely personal and difficult for me. One professional colleague told me not to ‘ trouble’ myself about the war in Armenia and Karabagh. How could I not? My maternal grandfather was from Shushi. I was not sure if the comment hurt me more as it came from close associates. They couldn’t even begin to grasp the fact that I had friends whose sons, the same age as my older sons, lost their lives for what turned out to be yet another pointless war. Obviously, it is not only the Armenian aspect here. I want to cry each time I see war. I know too well the senseless loss on all sides.

 
When I was a little girl living in the pre-Islamic Revolutionary Iran, I remember precisely many evenings, when I used to gaze at the moon from the window and think that there is only one moon; yet people living on our planet Earth experience it differently at the same point in time. This ‘same’ moon comforts and amazes us all in a different way, at different times. It is ‘familiar’ to us all. It is ‘timeless’. It has ‘witnessed’ mankind over time — much like mountains. Here is a sense of the familiar and yet unknown.

 
As I was preparing the repertoire, it was an opportunity to rethink which dances I would like to continue to share and which ones I personally feel have somehow moved on from.
When I think I am sharing a dance, like Asdvacacna Bar (Dance of the Feast of the Theotokos), I find it incredible that such a feast, dance and ritual, which dates back to so many years, is still being danced. In fact, the connection of the feast goes back to centuries, to a time when goddess Anahid was celebrated in the pantheon of gods of ancient Armenia.

 
At one point during the last few years, I even thought that perhaps it is time to stop leading dance workshops altogether. The pressures of in-person, full-time work (I am a practicing Orthoptist) during the last few years have added extra burdens. Clinks have increased and I had to take on so much more in a potentially risky work environment where the unknown (Covid infections) and how to work with it in a constantly changing environment has been exhausting. It would have been easier to say that I have moved on and no longer wish to lead workshops. But when I think about the experience in the circle, I am reminded of the meaningful depth of connection, which makes everything worthwhile — it somehow provides an explanation for so many things.

 
What fascinates and moves me is the fact that, regardless of where people come from, all peoples have lullabies, love songs, mourning and loss songs and so much more, While rituals may be different, the depth of experience and emotions is universal. It is the ‘universal’ and ‘human’ that is the balm for the soul — my soul — that which continues not only to comfort me, but also that which gives value and meaning to life.

Shakeh Major Tchilingijrian is a dance artist and choreographyer, and a practicing Orthopist in London (www.shakeh.info).

(Deutsch)